Friday, November 30, 2012

Dear "Shy" Dudes: You Suck.

Here's what pisses me off about some dudes.
The shy/super in touch with your feminine side/equality act doesn't cut it. It's annoying. And you're annoying if you do it.

A number of things have happened since certain types of feminism have gained popularity over the past few decades - while we've made some strides with the abandonment of many heteronormative notions, we've lost ish like courting (and dudes now wanting to be equals when it comes to fixing cars, pumping gas, and putting up curtains. Rude. I mean... I can do it... but do I want to?) Call me old-fashioned but... hello? Courting is awesome. And this whole "wait for a chick to come and talk to you," or "wait for a chick to call" ish? What is that?

Here's what. When I'm out somewhere (dinner, drinks, social event, conference, workshop, or whatEVER), you have two options. Open your mouth and say something, or get out of my face. Speak, or do not look over here. No one wants to be ogled or ostracized, and when you stare at people it seems like you're doing one of the two. Plus... didn't some elder teach you not to stare? It's freaking rude. Like... am I an alien? And if you think I am, please tell me. I would rather you say, "excuse me miss, but you look like an alien this evening" than for you to stare at me leaving me awkwardly trying to figure out what is on my forehead. It's not endearing. And it's not attractive. And it's just dumb.

Then... what's up with these dudes that want you to sweat them? Is this new, or has this been happening the whole time and I just didn't notice? I know - a lot of it is just me. I'm old fashioned, and in my mind things happen like they did in the 1920s, minus the lack of a right to vote, or sit at a counter and eat, or drink at any fountain, or learn to read and write, or have a real job, or look white people in the eye, etc. But other than that, in my mind things totally happen like they did back then. (And btdubs, I woulda still been looking white people in the eye, and probably would've gotten lynched, raped in the ear, and burned or something). Anyhow, the way I see it, a man sets his sights on some little lady - he's wearing a peacoat, and she's wearing a petticoat for whatever reason - they're at a train station, everything is black and white, they speak funny and say things like "Here's looking at you kid," and "I wish I didn't love you so much," or is that Casablanca? Anyway, the point is that times haven't changed so much that (most) women don't want to be courted. Heck, that goes for traditional and non-traditional relationships. Somebody has to do it. Here's what. It's not going to be me. I'm not going to court you. That's uber ridiculous. Wake up and sniff out which one of us has (outside) balls. Boooooooo scary dudes. You suck.

*These stories are based on real life instances - either mine, or my homies.

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