Monday, July 9, 2012

I'm Just Not That Into You.

So, in continuation of yesterday's post... I started to wonder why the assumption is always that the chick is way more into the dude, and that the dude decides whether or not to requite.  Yeah, I'm going back to chunky dude who only dates skinny girls who told me that I had a 'smart' mouth, and THAT'S why I'm single.  When I told him it was by choice, he said "yeah, they all say that." I contemplated.  Do they all say that? I know a lot of women who are always complaining about not having a man so... do they all say that? I disagreed.  Nonetheless, I questioned myself, AND why his assumption was that if I didn't have a smart mouth, I would have a man - as if having a dumb mouth would mysteriously bring Prince Charming. I mean... call me crazy, but my intuition is that having a dumb mouth would bring... a dummy. Anyhoo.

There are several or many things wrong with that logic, no? First is the assumption that the only thing stopping me from being in a relationship is my mouth. Forget everything else.  Every other issue I, or the other person involved, might be bringing to the table.  All my hangups that typically make me disgusted with most dudes three minutes after our initial conversation.  Never mind that.  It's my mouth. No fool.  My mouth is what keeps away jerks.  And by golly, the goal is definitely to eliminate those from jump.  Second is the fact that he assumed that all women want to be in a relationship.  While that may be true for many, he also assumed that all women want to be in ANY relationship.  Wrong.  I can only speak for myself, but I definitely don't want just anything.  Third, he assumed that I didn't have options.  Oh yes, people.  Little 'ole me has options. Go figure.  But don't get excited... none of them are any good.  Hence my not being excited either.  Not to toot my own horn but I have my share of interested mankind - unfortunately, they either text me in Ebonics, are unemployed, are married, are 25, or are gay.  In other words, I couldn't possibly have any interest in any of the dudes I am approached by.  In addition, there are a limited number of (colored) dudes that like brown, nappy-headed chicks, so my options are already limited. (You know it's true, dudes - don't go trying to deny your affection for light-skinned girls with long hair now...)  He didn't think about that. Didn't care to. And didn't have to.  Because his wack ass can still get cute skinny chicks who have been convinced that HE is all they should have. Fourth, is it so crazy that I have high expectations? The expectations I have for my partner are similar to the ones I have for myself. As it should be.  And don't get me to quotin' scripture, please.  Ok, ok... just right quick - dude is supposed to love his wife like Jesus loves, and for that, his wife is supposed to trust and obey him.  Don't get all hung up on the obey part - if you're doing it right, you're obeying someone who is obeying the same God you do, so quit trippin'. I say that to say that, HELLO... I can't be obeyin' an idiot or a dickhead.  I can't obey a weakling.  And I can't obey a fool.  I just can't. So idiots, dickheads, weaklings, and fools are already eliminated from my pool of prime selects.  To recap, employed, not married, not gay, not 25, not an idiot/dickhead/weakling/fool, who likes nappy headed black girls is the pool that I'm swimming in.  So that means there isn't a lot of water.  But I'm cool with that cuz I'm super hydrated! These, my friends, are some of the reasons why I'm single.  But I guarantee you it's not because of my smart mouth.  I would never be with anyone who couldn't take it... cuz that would be the least of his worries :-).

If I can't get what I need, I'm cool with playing this here good game of solitaire. Sure, it's not always amazing. But it's always better than making myself smaller to make someone else feel big. (Get your mind out the gutter. I see you.)  This was all a prelude into a story about this one dude that won't stop texting me.  I'm just really not into him at all. Never was.  Never will be.  I have google voice on my phone, and have been pretty reckless with it since it's not like a real number and I can just cut it off or change it any time.  So yeah... I just give out this number when people ask for it.  Recently via google text, I've been told that I "sound like a boss." And while that may have (and I stress may cuz I really can't even confirm that) been cute when I was young, it sounds really, really, stupid now.  Don't seriously text me things you heard in a rap song, please. I'm grown. Talk to me in grown people language. Tell you about it tomorrow.