Yeah. I do that.
So, I'm wondering if I'm the only one who daydreams about my arguments and break-up when I meet a guy I like. Imagining the apex to the downfall is like... therapy. Anyone reading this is probably wondering if I see a therapist. Unfortunately, no. I don't. I should. But my current insurance doesn't have that. Anyway. I meet a guy. We talk. We like each other (well... I like him, and hope it's requited). And then I think about all the reasons why it won't work, and imagine what the break-up will be like. You guessed it. I'm single. And will very likely remain that way. The great thing is that I love wine, whiskey, and water. And really, that's all I need to survive.
Shit.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
really, dude?
him: ur attractive. ur smart. and ur... in ur 30s... so what are you waitin' for?
me: *blank stare*
...and so that ended that conversation. i wasn't even offended, really. it was just a small matter of a furrowed brow, and a questioning of audacity cuz like... who says that?
the question required so much dissecting, i couldn't believe an artist - and not a biologist - asked it. what was i waiting for? well for one, a dude who didn't think that question was ok. but... was i really waiting? i hadn't ever considered that i was, and was not clear what i was doing to suggest that there was waiting happening. there was the one time at the gathering where i waited for someone to make my drink... but clearly he wasn't referring to that. was i 'waiting' for 'my' guy? couldn't be... right? like... i don't even think 'my' guy exists. or maybe i do? pfff.
and so now me, the over thinker, is sitting here wondering if i'm waiting. questioning why i always choose guys who are 'unavailable,' and recognizing my clear pattern of picking dudes who won't/"can't" pick me. i'm still working thru this. like... am i that happy by myself? or is it just fear of being hurt to the core? here's what... frank ocean makes me feel normal. he seems to feel similarly. and so, as long as my ipod works, i'm ok. for now.
me: *blank stare*
...and so that ended that conversation. i wasn't even offended, really. it was just a small matter of a furrowed brow, and a questioning of audacity cuz like... who says that?
the question required so much dissecting, i couldn't believe an artist - and not a biologist - asked it. what was i waiting for? well for one, a dude who didn't think that question was ok. but... was i really waiting? i hadn't ever considered that i was, and was not clear what i was doing to suggest that there was waiting happening. there was the one time at the gathering where i waited for someone to make my drink... but clearly he wasn't referring to that. was i 'waiting' for 'my' guy? couldn't be... right? like... i don't even think 'my' guy exists. or maybe i do? pfff.
and so now me, the over thinker, is sitting here wondering if i'm waiting. questioning why i always choose guys who are 'unavailable,' and recognizing my clear pattern of picking dudes who won't/"can't" pick me. i'm still working thru this. like... am i that happy by myself? or is it just fear of being hurt to the core? here's what... frank ocean makes me feel normal. he seems to feel similarly. and so, as long as my ipod works, i'm ok. for now.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Feminists Killed Chivalry. Viva la period.
Ok, so...those who know me well know that I totally oppose "folk" feminism. I appreciate gender roles, and don't want to put up curtains or change my own flats (unless it means changing into heels). My idea of feminism falls along a completely different continuum where I get at least a day off to bleed out my entire uterine wall without some a-hole of a dude assuming that I'm weaker because I want the freaking day off - especially since it's for his own protection. It has nothing to do with being weaker. It's actually about being uber strong - bionic, even. Don't fight for my right to work while menstruating; fight for me to receive some bloody benefits! Pun intended. Anyhow, I believe that folk feminists have ruined my life by forcing me to put up curtains and change flats whilst menstruating. To prove what? I don't wanna do that ish. I got cramps, dammit. It's some real bull%*$*. Despite that, I occasionally like to vote, be paid equal wages, and not be beaten and raped and stuff. Nonetheless, chivalry got lost in the "folk" feminist sauce and I'm just like...wha-huh?
A quick google of the word 'chivalry' brings you to the wikipedia definition (and c'mon...you know everything on wiki is true and correct, and worthy of use in academic journals) that suggests that folk feminists objected to chivalry by 1911! From wiki: "The idea that men were to act and live deferentially on behalf of women and children, though an ancient principle, was already under attack by 1911 from militant suffragettes intent on leveling the political playing field by removing from the public mindset the notion that women were a “weaker sex” in need of saving." I"m sorry, so men are to show women deference, and we should be...mad? I'm not. I'm not mad. I'm really not mad at men being deferential. I mean...I kinda like it. Some people think women are weaker. Some people think I'm a nigger. I'm really not going to be upset because some man wants to show deference. I would be upset, however, if he tried to lynch me. Locate your priorities. I'm just saying - there are some real, live biological structural differences that do give average men the upper hand over average women when it comes to certain things - things like...changing flats. Similarly, women also have the upper hand over certain things - pain tolerance, and mental stability, for example. So yes, there are structural differences between the sexes that should be acknowledged here and there. Weaker physically? Possibly. Weaker mentally? Not by a long shot. And then comes chivalry.
This folk feminism has created this class of men who either have no idea of what chivalry is, or have no desire to be chivalrous because they feel it's totally unnecessary. These new-aged dudes that wanna go dutch and have you open doors are like...not for me. I would totally be down for a knight back in the day, although my blackness would probably mean that the whole knight thing would turn into slavery and stuff, so the chivalry would still be lost. I would never wanna be anything but a black woman, but gosh - we just don't get the benefits of being female (and never have, hence my being anti-folk feminism). Tangent. Sorry. Anyhow, I can't completely blame men for their lack of chivalrous attitudes when they think that we wanna be treated as equals in every aspect of our lives. Now, when it comes to my damn PAY...! I don't wanna do man sh*t. There are some women that enjoy non-chivalry, and who wish to be equal in every aspect of their male-female relationship. I get it, and I think it's awesome. I, however, am not one of them. I am completely capable of taking care of myself entirely, and taking care of everyone else while I do it. But every once in a while, it's nice to know you don't have to. Reason #912 why I'm single. I like chivalry. And I treat myself too well to relinquish my caretaking to someone who won't treat me as well as I do. Open my door, dammit.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Dear "Shy" Dudes: You Suck.
Here's what pisses me off about some dudes.
The shy/super in touch with your feminine side/equality act doesn't cut it. It's annoying. And you're annoying if you do it.
A number of things have happened since certain types of feminism have gained popularity over the past few decades - while we've made some strides with the abandonment of many heteronormative notions, we've lost ish like courting (and dudes now wanting to be equals when it comes to fixing cars, pumping gas, and putting up curtains. Rude. I mean... I can do it... but do I want to?) Call me old-fashioned but... hello? Courting is awesome. And this whole "wait for a chick to come and talk to you," or "wait for a chick to call" ish? What is that?
Here's what. When I'm out somewhere (dinner, drinks, social event, conference, workshop, or whatEVER), you have two options. Open your mouth and say something, or get out of my face. Speak, or do not look over here. No one wants to be ogled or ostracized, and when you stare at people it seems like you're doing one of the two. Plus... didn't some elder teach you not to stare? It's freaking rude. Like... am I an alien? And if you think I am, please tell me. I would rather you say, "excuse me miss, but you look like an alien this evening" than for you to stare at me leaving me awkwardly trying to figure out what is on my forehead. It's not endearing. And it's not attractive. And it's just dumb.
Then... what's up with these dudes that want you to sweat them? Is this new, or has this been happening the whole time and I just didn't notice? I know - a lot of it is just me. I'm old fashioned, and in my mind things happen like they did in the 1920s, minus the lack of a right to vote, or sit at a counter and eat, or drink at any fountain, or learn to read and write, or have a real job, or look white people in the eye, etc. But other than that, in my mind things totally happen like they did back then. (And btdubs, I woulda still been looking white people in the eye, and probably would've gotten lynched, raped in the ear, and burned or something). Anyhow, the way I see it, a man sets his sights on some little lady - he's wearing a peacoat, and she's wearing a petticoat for whatever reason - they're at a train station, everything is black and white, they speak funny and say things like "Here's looking at you kid," and "I wish I didn't love you so much," or is that Casablanca? Anyway, the point is that times haven't changed so much that (most) women don't want to be courted. Heck, that goes for traditional and non-traditional relationships. Somebody has to do it. Here's what. It's not going to be me. I'm not going to court you. That's uber ridiculous. Wake up and sniff out which one of us has (outside) balls. Boooooooo scary dudes. You suck.
*These stories are based on real life instances - either mine, or my homies.
The shy/super in touch with your feminine side/equality act doesn't cut it. It's annoying. And you're annoying if you do it.
A number of things have happened since certain types of feminism have gained popularity over the past few decades - while we've made some strides with the abandonment of many heteronormative notions, we've lost ish like courting (and dudes now wanting to be equals when it comes to fixing cars, pumping gas, and putting up curtains. Rude. I mean... I can do it... but do I want to?) Call me old-fashioned but... hello? Courting is awesome. And this whole "wait for a chick to come and talk to you," or "wait for a chick to call" ish? What is that?
Here's what. When I'm out somewhere (dinner, drinks, social event, conference, workshop, or whatEVER), you have two options. Open your mouth and say something, or get out of my face. Speak, or do not look over here. No one wants to be ogled or ostracized, and when you stare at people it seems like you're doing one of the two. Plus... didn't some elder teach you not to stare? It's freaking rude. Like... am I an alien? And if you think I am, please tell me. I would rather you say, "excuse me miss, but you look like an alien this evening" than for you to stare at me leaving me awkwardly trying to figure out what is on my forehead. It's not endearing. And it's not attractive. And it's just dumb.
Then... what's up with these dudes that want you to sweat them? Is this new, or has this been happening the whole time and I just didn't notice? I know - a lot of it is just me. I'm old fashioned, and in my mind things happen like they did in the 1920s, minus the lack of a right to vote, or sit at a counter and eat, or drink at any fountain, or learn to read and write, or have a real job, or look white people in the eye, etc. But other than that, in my mind things totally happen like they did back then. (And btdubs, I woulda still been looking white people in the eye, and probably would've gotten lynched, raped in the ear, and burned or something). Anyhow, the way I see it, a man sets his sights on some little lady - he's wearing a peacoat, and she's wearing a petticoat for whatever reason - they're at a train station, everything is black and white, they speak funny and say things like "Here's looking at you kid," and "I wish I didn't love you so much," or is that Casablanca? Anyway, the point is that times haven't changed so much that (most) women don't want to be courted. Heck, that goes for traditional and non-traditional relationships. Somebody has to do it. Here's what. It's not going to be me. I'm not going to court you. That's uber ridiculous. Wake up and sniff out which one of us has (outside) balls. Boooooooo scary dudes. You suck.
*These stories are based on real life instances - either mine, or my homies.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
"Open" Relationship? Go F*%k Yourself.
Granted, there are many things I wanted to blog about that did not include this topic - I would prefer to talk about food, quite honestly. But alas, proposal writing and a useless stats course got in the way of life for a while - not to mention my extracurricular French course that I threw in as if I had 'free' time. Needless to say, all of my time is paid for, but apparently I'm not the one receiving the checks - and therefore have had no time to traverse the terrain of topics I fancy. Anyhoo...
I had to just stop for a minute and get into this 'open relationship' thing, as I've come across many dudes of late who think this is like... the new twinkie or something. Like...wtf? I'll start with this - and by no means take this as bible - when you are in an open relationship and you're cool with it, then I guess it's all good. You do you, and your partner does them (and occasionally you do each other?). But at the end of the day, you may agree to come together and respect each other and be in love and together forever and whatever the hell open relationship people do. I ain't knockin' it. I haven't tried it. I probably won't, but hey... what do I know.
But here is what I am knocking. When you are in an open relationship with a partner you love and respect and want to be with forever, why the f*&$ would you think I wanted to be the 'other' chick that you do mon-wed-thurs? (you don't get Friday, cuz that's reserved for the premiere chick.) Like... are you on crack? Seriously. What the f*^% kind of $&*t are you smoking? I didn't grow up thinking, "oh man, I sure hope to be second best one day!" or "wow, it would be sooo awesome to be the side chick!" or "I've always wanted to be mormon!" No. That didn't happen. Being the "other" side of an open relationship is not appealing unless you aren't actually interested in a relationship of your own - and even then, you're just getting leftover sperm that didn't shoot out the night before. I'm not sure at what point anyone thought that saying "I'm married, but my wife and I are in an open relationship" sounded any different than saying "I'm married, but me and my wife f*&% other people, and I'd like you to be one of them." That's bulls&*t. Oh, and f&^% you.
I kinda wanna kick people in their teeth when they come to me with this. Cuz ok - if you're in an open relationship and that's how you swerve, again I will say "all good" and "do you, boo." But when you try to incorporate me into that, it's pretty offensive. What it says to me - regardless of how one might actually mean it - is that I'm not worth being anybody's number one, and should therefore settle into some no medal position in your olympic-sized harem where all is well and you sling your shlong to all your concubines.
I suppose this is another reason why I'm single. I'm not willing to be a concubine. Can you blame me - I mean... it's 2012. Concubines are so 2008. Here's what - I'm too awesome to be a side hoe. So if you see me prancing around looking second best, please know that at that moment I was simply not at the top of my game - then forgive me, turn around, and get the f^&* away from me before I kick you in your d*ck.
Thanks.
I had to just stop for a minute and get into this 'open relationship' thing, as I've come across many dudes of late who think this is like... the new twinkie or something. Like...wtf? I'll start with this - and by no means take this as bible - when you are in an open relationship and you're cool with it, then I guess it's all good. You do you, and your partner does them (and occasionally you do each other?). But at the end of the day, you may agree to come together and respect each other and be in love and together forever and whatever the hell open relationship people do. I ain't knockin' it. I haven't tried it. I probably won't, but hey... what do I know.
But here is what I am knocking. When you are in an open relationship with a partner you love and respect and want to be with forever, why the f*&$ would you think I wanted to be the 'other' chick that you do mon-wed-thurs? (you don't get Friday, cuz that's reserved for the premiere chick.) Like... are you on crack? Seriously. What the f*^% kind of $&*t are you smoking? I didn't grow up thinking, "oh man, I sure hope to be second best one day!" or "wow, it would be sooo awesome to be the side chick!" or "I've always wanted to be mormon!" No. That didn't happen. Being the "other" side of an open relationship is not appealing unless you aren't actually interested in a relationship of your own - and even then, you're just getting leftover sperm that didn't shoot out the night before. I'm not sure at what point anyone thought that saying "I'm married, but my wife and I are in an open relationship" sounded any different than saying "I'm married, but me and my wife f*&% other people, and I'd like you to be one of them." That's bulls&*t. Oh, and f&^% you.
I kinda wanna kick people in their teeth when they come to me with this. Cuz ok - if you're in an open relationship and that's how you swerve, again I will say "all good" and "do you, boo." But when you try to incorporate me into that, it's pretty offensive. What it says to me - regardless of how one might actually mean it - is that I'm not worth being anybody's number one, and should therefore settle into some no medal position in your olympic-sized harem where all is well and you sling your shlong to all your concubines.
I suppose this is another reason why I'm single. I'm not willing to be a concubine. Can you blame me - I mean... it's 2012. Concubines are so 2008. Here's what - I'm too awesome to be a side hoe. So if you see me prancing around looking second best, please know that at that moment I was simply not at the top of my game - then forgive me, turn around, and get the f^&* away from me before I kick you in your d*ck.
Thanks.
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