Been A Minute. But When I Tell You...

...what's been going on over this past year, you will completely understand the need for a break.  A savasana.  A death. A rebirth.

I am in the process of being reborn.  In every kind of way.  So much has happened since we last spoke. And although some may take me as the 'keep to myself, don't share my business, non-emotional type', lol, those are only those who don't know me very well.  I love to share - especially if my experiences can help somebody else through theirs, or make someone feel less 'out there.'  This might read like a book.  A tragedy, or one of whimsy - depending on where you are in your ride.  Who knows.

I'll spare you all the details, but share this.  Last year in the center of my 'sans love' period I met this dude.  Ugh.  Ruined everything.  I was so happy by myself.  But, everybody wants love - to love; to be loved.  All that.  So when opportunity arose, I dove head first (into shallow water and cracked my skull).  No need for gory details.  Anyhow, we 'dated' and stuff.  And then I realized/found out he was crazy. And so went that.

Thing is, I was also crazy.  Two crazies together typically make one supercrazy (which is kinda like a supernova, but less stellar), and you can only imagine what a 'supercrazy' looks like... (or maybe you've partaken in a 'supercrazy' before). It's just not pretty. And neither was I.  So there it is. My whole story. Laid out.

I tell it only as a beginning to a happier story.  That of me being by myself. Happy. Again. I've been meaning to write this for months.  At first, I was gonna tell the whole story about the crazy dude, and all the things that happened, and me fleeing out of the house (lol), the shaking, the crying, the blah, blah, blah.  But the thing with time is that it heals (thank God), so now I'm over it and have no desire to tell the story.

BUT, recently, in a convo with some old dude that was chunky and told me he's only attracted to petite women because he can't do anything with anybody his own size (yeah... whahuh, boo? do a sit up), he proceeded to let me know that I was single because of my 'smart' mouth.  Yup.  My smart mouth. LOL. So the story starts here sorta... and then goes backwards, and looses time somewhere, then comes back again, and goes circular.  The same dude told the woman I was with that she needed to adjust her 'requirements' for what she wants from a man, LOL. Sidebar: the woman got a kick out of him telling me about my smart mouth (albeit, incorrectly... because she thought he said I had a big mouth, haahahahaha, with which she was soooo ready to agree - but not with him saying that she needed to adjust her standards - I tell ya... ok, rant over).  So, apparently, we were single because collectively, we were smart with high standards. Well... YEAH... HELLOOOOO?  And just what is so wrong with that?

I'm not necessarily 'regular.' I'm okay with that.  I remember one friend years ago who said "Kami, I love you! You are one of the weirdest friends I have." I just... took it in stride, and pretended it wasn't offensive.  Nonetheless, I've accepted the fact that I'm not regular.  I'm not average.  And so what does that mean? It means that I can't do anything with/for a regular, average dude.  It'll just never work.  It'll turn into a supercrazy, things will explode, and people might will get hurt.

So this 'guy' tells me that I'm single because of my smart mouth. So I thought... wow, projecting, maybe? You, sir, would prefer... a woman with a dumb mouth? Is that it? And that's fine because I would prefer a man with three lips over you... but that's neither here nor there.  So this dude wants a dumb woman.  Cool.  But... why would he think that I'd want a man that thought I was too 'smart' for him; or more specifically, that my 'mouth' was too smart? The last thing I would ever want in a 'relationship' is to have to dumb myself down for the comfort of my partner.  Noooo fool... I want a partner that is not offended by my 'smart mouth' because his is just as smart, or smarter.  Don't make me quote scripture.  This is a BLOG.  But, any man that plans to take a seat on this here throne has to be a king, boo. (<-- did you roll your neck when you said that? cuz it requires a neck roll to say it right.)  I'm super cool with peasants, but I ain't one.  So it ain't neva gonna work. And I won't become a peasant for the comfort of any man. It is what it is.  And I'm cool with that.

So then, I have these friends who are constantly asking me when I'm gonna get a man and get married. Haaaaa. I am NEVER gonna 'get' a man. Sorry. That's not in the plan.  "He that findeth a wife...", not "she that seeketh a husband...", okay? My single life is pretty awesome, and while it can certainly be enhanced by a relationship, it cannot be enhanced by ANY relationship.  And the relationship I currently have with myself is way too good to mess it up for some random ass neighba.  Anyhow, I am just setting the stage for what is bound to be a great show.  It will commence tomorrow.  Please join me. We're gonna have so much fun.